Life so sucks right now it's not funny

it truly is amazing my summer has been so frantically full that any and all associations have like flown out the window (If I'm not working I'm sleeping unless there is enforced bonding) Well I've been spending a little time with my squid but only where both our schedules meet I feel like I've completely deserted Kelly and am actively involved in ignoring Sam most of the time it's like pthaaw whet the hell is with my brain. At least Kel it's not on purpose we both have phone issues and now both working. I just spent my week off down at the Cape (part of it) after there's been like mucho demand for my time my da wanted me to go to Maine with him I'm supposed to be visiting Irina in NH I could visit Steph in NY and the list goes onand it's like GAH. So I was visiting Sally on the Cape by myself originally I was going with Gane but Gane decided to go to Maine and by the time everything was figured out and Sal was like oh you could always bring someone else it was the night before I was leaving and taking the bus. I felt guilty asking anyone to come on such short notice especially when it was kind of expensive to take the bus so I went by myself and had my first grown up vacation and was such a plesant guest got an open ended invitation to return anytime (score if I ever had the time) so yeah it was good to just have like a zen long weekend leave my stressed shit at home. My dad brought trailer trash up to Maine and that was drama my mom is..... neurotic and I've got old drama popping up in new ways GAHHH I probably should have called Kel when Richie first IMed me she kinda knew him when we were in high school the way he was before and how complicated things got.... I dunno *flops dramatically* he was a good guy, now he IMs me and I'm not sure I know him I want to believe that somewhere he's the same guy I knew, but I just keep running into walls and most of them ones that I built even if it was years ago

well I suppose that is enough ranting for now

peace love and joy
aLeX.

location: Tortall mood: quixotic music: Impossible Dream - Brian Stokes Mitchell

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!

So the mass of glee that is my life is sooo all about costuming designs and plans and I have to say I absolutely love it. I ordered my jumpsuit for my Kaylee costume for can't stop the serenity and am almost done with embellishments on my fairy costume. I am also working on costumes I had Ideas for for Nonnie and John (Gane's John) and am super excited. So can I say I love Gane's new boyfriend he is like so good for her and such a sweet considerate guy. She definately traded up in the boyfriend swapping. Corey was cute and funny for the first month and then we went in a general downward direction and ended in my complete loathing of him even before I knew he screwed her over. John was okay at the beginning I wasn't sure I didn't really know him and there was the whole making out with Adam thing that thoroughly confuzzled Gane. He has grown on me so much, he's adorable with Gane and still makes her glow like a light house. He fits in with our family as much as anyone can, and honestly I thought it was so sweet when Gane told me they were talking about marriage. I know mom is worried that they won't be able to make it on their own but I have faith in them and who can dislike a guy who thinks your baby sister is amazing despite her quirks like rawk

So enough rant and ramble for one day

Love Peace and Joy
aLeX.

mood: artistic music: Dirty Little Secret - All American Rejects

<3 Glee. It's been a pretty fab. weekend all in all. I felt the good weighed out the bad. Friday night was great gifts were massive success. Spent quality time with the oldest sister slight issues with the brother but whatever. There were run ins with scarey ....... people, graduation was boring but jello shots and general meal O cheese *glee* and that was Saterday. Today I started writing a song for me and Kel's new band *squee of much glee* I'm happy with it I dunno how Kel will feel it seems a little political but it's not in a traditional sense. It's protesting the way we're all shut up and put into little boxes and really what we need is freedom to be and do and say what we want and who we are. *shrugs* yeah

location: pttb mood: creative music: Give me Freedom

OK so I've been writing in my journal journal because I SOOOO am paranoid. Also need to call Kel as soon as I get off the computer. I thought I'd post a poem I'm working on, feedback is always good it's a work in progress and I'm not happy with it but I can't figure out why.

I often joked
I often teased
that this gypsie heart
here in me
can be won or lost
with but a kiss
in this time in this hour
it would seem
that you have proven this to be
My heart is yours
here please take it
I ask nothing of you
for with that kiss
you helped me remake it

on an exciting side note google will give you directions to special hell if you scroll over it

location: special hell mood: enthralled music: hanging by a moment - lifehouse

So yeah Friday night got more than a little awkward after everyone went home. We're not elaborating anywhere it can be seen by "public" if you know me and want to know ask me and we'll figure out a less public place to discuss but yeah snuggly squids and going a little to far and Alex is like Que?

Sam and Gane say they'll protect me Friday, from squids and from self, but they may need protecting themselves because squids are ninja and it's like awww poke poke whoa wait what just happened.

Yeah sorry that was confusing but I needed to get that out.

*le sigh*

location: the special hell mood: glomphed music: Panic at the Disco

PS I AM CRAZY SORRY FOR CRAZY COMMENTS.... someone needs to lock me up. :(

Gemini
You have got some juicy information to share and you should not be afraid to share it! You will have a fun day full of chatter, laughter and silly conversations. This is a great day to hang out with friends if you can make it happen. There have been quite a few new developments in their lives and you should find out what's new with them. Be sure to update them on all your news, too. You and your innermost circle are capable of creating a new reality for yourselves -- at least while you are together.

Some how I sincerely doubt the validity of my horoscope today (not that I'm a particularly serious believer anyways) It's going to be one of those nights where I see sunrise from the wrong side. GAH. I am going to be so psycho the rest of this week I cannot even imagine how people will be able to tolerate me. My brain feels so fried I just need to relax and Zen out but I'm worried that if I do I'll pass out and my work won't get done and cha due tommorow morning (I think I chronically spell tommorow wrong.....) My body aches, and my brains a little wonky... sigh back to the grind stone I suppose

location: almost 4 am mood: wearied music: keys tapping

So between violent illness and massive amounts of stress regarding classes and school bills I have been so just ready to run away. I'm exhausted from keeping up this facade that everything is going to magically work out alright. I so was not ready for weekend get togethers but people pushed ahead into it and they've spiraled out of control. Our house is not the hang out spot, it is not the make out spot. Friday nights were supposed to be for me and my friendsnot for Gane's friends, and it's spiraled out of control after John did the pirate themed first one. We just did 80s night, which was supposed to be for Kelly but there was no time. I'm so stressed about the rest of the stuff going on in my life I've lost control of what was supposed to be low key and fun. I know Gane's not all that interested in it being a big thing for her because Friday is her one day with John. My get togethers were supposed to help her get some alone time with him. RAWR. I haven't called Kel in ages and I feel horrible but there is not enough time in the day and I never know when she's busy I should not even be taking the time to post I have so much work I need to do but I am sooo procrastinating right now and I've only got a few minutes before I have to leave for work. *sobs and hides in a corner* no volleyball tonight for me too much work

However on a positive note me and my cowboy are running away together anyone else want to join?

Well, I guess it's only three weeks and I cleared my debt so just finals and papers left to stress on I suppose I'll survive. Expect to hear more from me as I procrastinate my way through the end of the year.

location: limbo mood: drained music: Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood

SOOOOO I am so totally being River for Halloween and having a Halloween party yay

It's been ages since I've actually updated this thing so I've got oodles to say. So I'm a classroom aide in the Child development Headstart program that means I help preschool teachers. It means I have over 100 little screaming crying hitting swearing bundles of three and four year old joy that think I am amazing and the best friend they could ever have. I adore each and every snot faced last one of them as much as they love me. So as soon as I get everything set I'm switching my pics to include an awesome one of me with my new eyebrow ring.... Mum doesn't think my Grampa will make it through the summer, he's 80 now and has been living the past eight years with out my Grandma. We were so proud of him after she died, she really seemed to be the one that held things together, we didn't know if he'd live long they were so close. The first card after my Grandma's death he sent, a birthday card, wrenched everyones hearts. He never picked out cards before, it was always Grandma's job, she always wrote the notes inside, and usually signed both names. I think we figured then that he was going to be ok, eight years have past and his body's not really co operating with him, he needs help standing up after he's sat down and he can't go up and down stairs he has to crawl. He's selling the house,the big Yellow house with the hammock and the rasberrys out back where we played croquet and ran through the sprinkler, the house with the basement still full of Grandma's old dance costumes, and dolls, and the ping pong table. We're supposed to go collect anything we want the rest is being sold. He's my last living Grandparentit makes me sad.

Well I guess that's gotta be all for now I'm spent.........

Later perhaps